Using the Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day rolls around only once a year. And if so much time like me, chances of getting married for sex is not very often. 'It's always next year is a good mantra for a Cubs fan or a libertarian, but not a lover. So do not miss your chance this time love note - the following advice for Valentine's Day.

Nobody wants to hear the story of Valentine's Day

Simply put, any story that ends with a beheading is not to obtainPosed. If you have to say, a "story" in progress, try something "Penthouse Letters" instead. There is a very hot, and the stories are almost never end in decapitation.

What you tell us your partner, it's time to see your underwear when

Guys, I know, she tells you she likes surprises. I know I want you to be spontaneous. But she opened the door - or, God forbid, in her office - wearing only a raincoat and a pair of edible underwear is not to help anyone. Nextthat is ridiculous in mid-February is still quite cold in many parts of the world. For your interest, think about the "decline".

Ladies ... Ignore this point at all. We always want to see your underwear. Or your favorite lack thereof. You little fox you.

Do not eat the candy hearts

first taste, they like polystyrene butt. Chalky styrofoam ass. Who wants to eat ass polystyrene plaster? Nobody who is who.

Also, rememberthat a piece of candy to dry as the Sahara is saliva Rob all were able to produce this week. And your Schnookums kissy face you can not enjoy sucking on your parched, wrinkled mouth. It is not 'French Saint Elderly-The-Day', after all. I think it's one in September.

Finally, recognize that the average number of sweethearts for a person can eat without ralphing somewhere in the vicinity of two children. And while the irony ofSee a regurgitated 'IN N2 U! "It's in the water" delicious, "is not" romantic. "

Let the magic of professional poets

But I can say from personal experience. A few years ago, I decided to write the best way to express my love for my wife a poem, raw and sexy and it was straight from the heart. Here are the words, the odd lines of the poem ended, said:

"Rubies"

"Ballantine"

"Corndog"

"Schmenitalia" (the point where Irealized it was in my head)

"Blooper"

"Labrador" do not ask ()

"Georgie"

"Angina"

They made me sleep on the couch for a week. Do not go there. Just do not.

Do not give your love, and an uber-religious postcard

Yes, I remember you. Yes, it's the thought that counts. And yes, the picture on the front with a single beam of light through the storm clouds is certainly stimulating.

But nothing cries out "why do not wejust cuddle tonight? "Just like a paper with the line:

"Blessed is our bed, to share in love with the breast of Jesus."

I am for a "Valentine's Trio" - especially with the breast - but this is just a bit 'too kinky. Steer clear.

If you do not buy your lover of chocolate, does not explain why

It 'is perfectly acceptable to say:

"I bought this Flowers [/ massage oils / sexy underwear / strippers] because you are beautiful and I likeYou. "

It is not acceptable to say:

"I have nothing, you get no chocolate, because I know you're on a diet, and I support your goal of being thinner."

It is not a good idea to say:

"And then you want a gift that will last more than three minutes, and you do not cry below, is not it?"

Even personal experience. And sleep on the couch for a week.

Learn from my mistakes, Romeo and Juliet buds. Follow these tips and you should be randilyromancing your lover in no time. Ignore my advice and ... Now, "there's always next year.